On Having Serious Performance Conversations
Photo: www.wocintechchat.com
One of the most anxiety-inducing things about becoming a manager is that very first time you have to have a serious feedback conversation with someone who is underperforming. In fact, many senior individual contributors resist moving into management roles largely to avoid this responsibility. I understand their resistance. The first time I had to have a serious performance conversation, it literally kept me up at night.
I’d only been in an official management position for a few months before I decided to change jobs and join a new company. At this new company, I’d inherited a team of engineers who were suffering from total management neglect (a situation I’d describe as being one of the messy outcomes of hypergrowth rather than management ineptitude or disinterest). There were multiple performance issues on the team that I was told needed to be addressed quickly.
In those first several weeks, I spent a lot of time observing, talking to team members, and forming my own opinions. The problems were starting to crystallize, and I was being encouraged by my boss to take action with one engineer in particular. I was a nervous wreck, but my boss reminded me that this is exactly what my HRBP (Human Resources Business Partner, or People Partner for the more modern manager) could help me with. Luckily, I was blessed with the best HRBP a girl could ask for, Kathleen Pacini. She was an invaluable advisor to me as I bumbled my way through those early management challenges, beginning with her guidance on tough feedback.
The Formula
There are a lot of feedback formulas out there, most of which come with a handy acronym to help you remember them (SBI, STAR, EEC, DESC, and CEDAR, to name a few). They are all rooted in similar concepts, and most are flexible enough to apply to both positive and constructive feedback. But in this case of a looming PIP (Performance Improvement Plan), Kathleen didn’t give me an acronym. She told me it was simple:
“Here’s what I observe, here’s why it concerns me, here’s what I expect, how can I help?”
You can keep your acronyms — this very long phrase has been cemented in my brain ever since. Nothing captures both the extreme simplicity and nuanced depth of the serious performance conversation better than this. Let’s talk about what each part of this phrase represents.
Here’s what I observe
All good feedback starts with an observation. Specifically, this means an observable fact. LifeLabs Learning, one of my favorite leadership training providers (aside from my own practice, of course), encourages feedback givers to focus on behaviors and actions that a camera could capture. Feedback observations should be devoid of all judgment and interpretation. If I state an observation, you might be able to deduce whether positive or constructive feedback is coming, but it won’t be explicit.
“The execs loved your presentation,” is not an observation. “Your presentation showed a clear correlation between our site performance improvements and conversion rates,” is. “You tend to interrupt people in meetings,” is not an observation. “In our last team meeting, you interrupted Ricardo’s status update to offer your own proposal,” is. We’re just stating facts here.
The more factual your observations are, the less likely you’ll be to encounter defensiveness and resistance. That’s not to say that you won’t be challenged, but when you have the facts to fall back on, responding to a challenge becomes more straightforward.
Here’s why it concerns me
Sharing your concerns is the point where your interpretation comes in. This is the impact of the action you observed. This is also where I might acknowledge intention, as I believe you can both appreciate positive intent and hold people accountable for outcomes.
In our previous example, our feedback recipient might have had the best of intentions when they interrupted Ricardo. In some cultures, interrupting is a normal part of communication. In a multicultural work environment headquartered in the US however, frequent interruptions are a hindrance to effective communication and belonging. Intention matters, but not as much as outcomes.
Of course, a single interruption in a meeting is not cause for a serious performance conversation. But a pattern of disruption, especially if this is not the first time you’ve brought it to their attention, might be. Unless I’m addressing a really egregious isolated incident, typically in a serious performance conversation I will be highlighting a pattern of behavior I find concerning, along with multiple specific observations that illustrate this pattern. In fact, my concerns usually include the fact that we’ve discussed this issue on several occasions and I’ve yet to see the type of sustained improvement I’ve requested.
Here’s what I expect
The words that separate your run-of-the-mill feedback convo from a serious performance conversation are “I expect.” For the vast majority of feedback conversations, I try not to be too prescriptive about how I want someone to address my feedback. It’s more empowering and builds more trust if they can internalize the feedback and own the follow up.
Consider the difference between these two pieces of feedback:
“Over the past 3 weeks you’ve asked Nikki for help on your project multiple times per day. I’m concerned about this because it’s causing her a lot of disruption, and I want you to be able to work independently while still getting the support you need. If I were to ask you to be more protective of Nikki’s time, what do you think you would need or how would you adjust your workflow?”
versus
“Over the past 3 weeks you’ve asked Nikki for help on your project multiple times per day. I’m concerned about this because it’s causing her a lot of disruption. I’m committed to ensuring that you feel supported and have the resources you need. However, at your level I expect you to be able to work independently in this part of the stack.”
Notice the difference? Whenever I give a feedback workshop, I ask for participants’ reaction to an example like this that states a clear expectation. Usually people say something like, “That sounds serious.” I’ll respond, “That’s because it is.”
The former example is a more gentle conversation that I’m likely having with someone for the first time. I want to figure out what’s going on. Maybe they are lacking some knowledge that we could address with a knowledge transfer session. Maybe they need to batch up their questions and ask them all at once. This is an opportunity for a coaching discussion where we can dig into their problems, and they can partner with me on determining the best solutions to those problems.
The latter example, however, is a much tougher and more direct message. We’ve almost certainly discussed this issue before. I’m still willing to support them and give them a reasonable amount of help. I’m also making it clear what I expect from them. Wherever possible, I’m tying my expectations back to what is expected of someone in their role and at their level, at this particular company.
How can I help?
Every feedback conversation, regardless of severity, should end with some form of the question, “How can I help?” As the manager, it’s up to you to determine what is a reasonable request. For example, “You can add two more headcount to the team” might not be feasible. “You can give me three months to finish this project” (when it should take your average new grad three weeks) might not be a reasonable request. You may need to refer back to role expectations while negotiating their requests.
Asking how you can help is critical because remember that you work in partnership with your direct reports. Your role is to support them. And if you’re delivering a hard message, they need to feel that you’re actually invested in their success and not just on a mission to terminate their employment. When I’ve just given a tough piece of feedback, I like to remind people that the whole reason we are having this hard conversation is because I want to make them successful. It’s in my best interest to have high performing employees on my teams, and therefore I want to do whatever is within reason to help them get there.
It is true though that once we’ve gotten to the place of having a serious conversation, especially if we’ve had this conversation multiple times, my assistance may either be limited or temporary. When I say limited, I mean that I might commit to telling them in the moment if I see them repeat this behavior, but I might not be willing to offer more help beyond what we’ve already agreed to in our previous conversations on this topic. When I say temporary, I mean that I’m often committing to a lot of hands-on oversight to get someone back to meeting performance expectations, but once we get them to that place I expect them to be more self-directing and to consume a proportionate amount of my time and attention.
In my opinion, the “how can I help?” step of feedback is missing from the majority of popular feedback models. Yet it’s the thing that can turn a combative and emotionally charged conversation into one of compassion and mutual commitment. You have to mean it, though. You should mean it.
The Written Recap
The last step of a tough feedback conversation is the written recap. Written recaps often look like follow up emails along the lines of:
“Thank you for meeting with me today. I know that was a hard message to hear and I’m grateful for your willingness to participate in the conversation. I want to reiterate my commitment to making you successful and being transparent about your performance. To ensure we’re on the same page, here’s a recap of what we discussed and agreed to.”
The beauty of the written recap is threefold:
It allows you to prep your feedback ahead of time. I will often write out my recap email before the conversation, so that I can use it as a reference as I deliver the message. Once we’re done with the conversation, I add in any mutual commitments and agreements we made during our discussion and send it off.
It serves as written documentation of delivered feedback. As a matter of habit, I BCC my manager and HRBP on any written recaps, even if I don’t expect any action from them. This written record is useful in the case that my direct report decides to go above me to complain to my manager about my feedback, and it ensures that we stay consistent in our messaging. It’s also useful for continuity in the case that I wind up leaving the company or my direct report switches managers. Furthermore, in the unlikely event of a legal challenge (like a wrongful termination suit), it’s best to have as much documentation as possible.
It ensures your words match your intent. Many of us who dread these conversations have a tendency to soften our messaging when in the moment. I recall a specific situation where a new manager on my team was attempting to have performance conversations with one of her very senior engineers. She was reporting to me that her conversations were going well but resulting in very little behavior change. Later in a skip level 1/1 with this engineer, he told me, “We keep having these conversations where we are discussing ways to improve the team, but then I get these emails after we meet and I’m realizing wow, she really has a problem with me.” To be clear, it was not ideal for him to have this jarring realization. But were it not for those recap emails, neither this engineer nor I would have realized that his manager was struggling to be direct with him. A PIP delivered later on would have seemingly come out of nowhere, and I would have been confused by his shock. Instead, I had the opportunity to coach this manager on her struggles to be direct, and she drastically improved her feedback skills as a result.
Have Some Self Compassion
It might be cold comfort to someone who is on the receiving end of a serious performance conversation, but it’s worth acknowledging that these conversations are hard for everyone involved. McKinsey and Lean In’s Women in the Workplace Report from 2016 found that while 2/3 of managers say they don’t hesitate to give difficult feedback to employees, only 36% of women and 46% of men say they receive difficult feedback even “sometimes.” To reduce the fear that holds us back from having the conversations we know we need to have, it’s helpful to have a formula to prep with. And remember, you’re not as alone as you may feel. Practice difficult conversations with your support system: your HRBP, a peer manager, your coach, or even your spouse. Have them share how it landed with them. If you’re brave, have them roleplay responding in the way you expect your direct report to respond. It’s better to practice a contrived scenario than to be surprised by an emotional response and have to wing it.
I know this is difficult. They say these conversations don’t get easier, but I disagree with that to a small extent. Serious performance conversations are never easy, but when you see them work (either resulting in improved employee performance or an exit that leads to improved team health), it becomes easier to overcome your apprehension. Approach these conversations with preparation and compassion. Plan to do some self care later that evening. You got this.